T-I-R-E-D. Today, I came home feeling soooo tired. Today. There was supposedly nothing extraordinary about this day. No, it's not my birthday, though, to me it seemed like it. It was my much-awaited comeback after my month-long absence. I waited for this day. Ordinary as it was for everyone else, TODAY was a red-letter day in my calendar.
But I least expected this day to end with such a sad note. I had every reason to smile about today. Thousands of them! But at the end of the day, I found myself slumped on my bed, feeling exhausted... I FELT... OLD. I would have cried if I wasn't too tired.
This morning, I remembered whispering a prayer. "Please sustain my strength for the whole day." I knew I wasn't strong enough. Not yet. It's only been a month. I knew that. I felt that. I guess, I wanted to believe that if I think it, I'd be it. STRONG. Guess again.
It's a phase. Yes. It's part of the whole recovery thing. I know. So why do I feel like crying? Because. Feeling weak is not my thing. It has never been. And now I feel it. And I hate it. WEAK.
My grace is sufficient for you... for my power is made perfect in weakness...
Tears wet my face. Those words have never been so real to me... until now. I imagined the Apostle Paul with his "thorn". It must have been a struggle for him. That thorn drew a line, a limit, to what he can do. I pictured an over zealous apostle ready to take the ministry of Christ to all places. But then there was the thorn. He would have given in to bouts of depression, if it weren't for God's abounding grace.
...I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me... For when I am weak, then I am strong.
So I am. WEAK. I cry, not of shame but of awe. In my eyes, I see my weakness as a flaw. In His, it's a spectacle of His power waiting to happen.
Speaking of my thousands of reasons to smile... here are a few of them. I dub them, my STRESS TABS. :)
~Sunday School. 19 students, majority of which are newcomers. To my surprise, they all knew who I was. Ate Ai. My name never sounded so sweetly. Thanks Teacher Mikel. :)
~Standing in front of the class for an hour-and-a-half. A first time after a very long time. :)
~Seeing Angeline and TJ leading the small groups. I can retire soon. :)
~Sitting beside FF during the worship service. Content with each other's quiet presence. FOR NOW. :)
~Walking with and sharing my umbrella with Reciel. It's amazing how God speaks even through the mouths of babes. :) Your story has blessed my heart in a very profound way.
~Jollibee! How I missed you! :) Crispy Chicken Burger, yumyum! uber! :p
~Dodong... stressed mode. But never too stressed for an impromptu debate with Osep... :) Go UP!
~Osep... the same old Osep with his insatiable appetite for GRAVY. So.. have you come to the point... ;p
~My three girls... together. :)
~Outside, the wound has healed. Inside, it hasn't. YET. Bloggable indeed Kei. ;p
~Souled Out with Covenant Players. ;)
~Talk with my apo... Cheska. :) Listening to your stories is so refreshing. I remember the times when I used to sit with you in your living room when you were younger, when I used to go to your old apartment for COC. I can't believe how you've grown to be the beautiful young lady that you are right now. :)
~Seeing Pito lead the Praise & Worship. Is it me or are you getting "healthier" iho? :)
~Elephant. Cow. Kangaroo (ouchy!). I felt like five and I absolutely loved it. :)
~Impromptu acting on stage. Betty the car dealer and gas retailer. At least I get to have a husband and SEVEN kids. Not bad! Not at all. :)
~My first EVER ride on the new church van. I actually missed the rattling sounds the old van made... sigh! :)
~ET-mates: Elai, Karen, Mimi, Jeanger, Eunice, Joshua, Angeline, Mark & Kuya Do
~Eunice and Joshua. The newest and hottest loveteam (nabuo dahil sa Putong Ube). Kay tagal kitang hinintay... :)
~Eunice, Joshua and Angeline. The newest and hottest love triangle. :)
~Unexpected joyride to Febias to pick up Matt. I slept through the whole ride. Now Karen will always think of me whenever she sees the STRESS TABS commercial. Bakit ka naman nag-date ng may edad! Finally, the title made sense. *wink*