May 21, 2006

inspired by my horrific student driver's permit photo

I managed a muffled laugh when finally, my long overdue student driver's permit was handed to me. I almost failed to recognize myself with what appeared to me like a smudge of purple ink that was supposed to be my photo. Well, I could at least see the outline of my head with the unmistakeable silhouette of my curly hair. If I squinted a little, I think I could make out my face. Oooh, and looking at it still, I finally concluded that I looked like a SQUID's head submerged in water with ink and all. YES. It was THAT bad.
They ran out of ink. Good thing, it wasn't for my driver's license. If it was, I would hold on to it for three years. THREE. LONG. YEARS. So I consoled myself.
Photos scare me. They force me to look at myself. Longer than usual. Long enough to make me see what I don't want to see. MYSELF. My imperfectly shaped face. My flat nose. My large teeth. And everything else I think makes me... UNPRETTY. What scares me more, is that people will see the same.
But pictures are just that. A single moment of our lives captured as still image. It doesn't give justice to who we are. Sadly, people do judge you by the way you look. So to bother too much to look good IS understandable. But know that there is more to you than physical beauty. After all, it is fleeting.
Don't feel sad for me yet. I don't have a problem with self-esteem. TRUST ME. But that doesn't exempt me from having my share of little insecurities. I am thankful for the many things about me that more than compensate.
I would like to believe I AM a beautiful person. And a picture of me badly-taken wouldn't sway me to think that I am not.
So just in case my driver's license photo goes wrong, I know I'll survive.

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